Letters to the Pumpkin: Month One
To my precious Pumpkin Pie,
Today you have been out of my belly for one whole month.
What a month, Pumpkin! Has it really only been a month? It seems like it's been forever. And, I'm still not used to you. Will I ever get used to you? I don't know. You are a delight, a total frustration, a dream, a sleepless night or two or three.
I do get some sleep. It's just recently you've started waking every two hours to be fed. Although I'm not tired during the day, it feels really tough to be getting up every two hours to whip out my boob and feed you.
Sometimes I feel like I am all boob, nothing but boob, all day and night.
I started pumping, Pumpkin. It's so embarrassing. There is no dignity in this act of attaching pumps to my nipples and pulling out all the milk. Not that there is much of it, milk I mean, but I do it for you. And for me, because if I can pump enough, I can occasionally have a beer or a glass of wine with dinner. That is, if you let me eat dinner. How do you know the exact time I'm sitting down to eat? Huh? Pumpkin?
So, you're new. The pumping is new. The no sleep is sort of new because I gave up those all-night drinking and listening to music times a long while ago.
But, I've got you sleeping in the bassinet again. Now, Daddy and I can cuddle at night. I so need that. I need to be held by your Daddy as much as you do. Well, not as often as you do, but I need it nonetheless. I hope this doesn't gross you out, my little love child.
OK, I confess, I locked you in the Jeep the other day. You had this really early doctor's appointment and I was a little exhausted and well, yes, I just accidentally locked you in the Jeep. Then, everyone knew I had done that. The nurses and the doctor seemed sympathetic. I was embarrassed, again. Your daddy said it was a good learning experience. Yep, I learned to never do that again. Good thing it wasn't summertime when the Jeep warms up so quickly.
Your daddy went back to work this week. He misses you so much. But, I have to admit, I'm likin' our alone time together. I get stuff done around the house and you seem so peaceful. Also new this week is that I started massaging you. You seem to like it a lot. You're so calm and relaxed after, and then, you poop. I guess that's part of what the massaging does for you - it relieves gas and makes you poop. It's me changing those diapers now that your daddy is back at work. Jeez, you sure can poop a lot!
We bought you a blanket that goes around the car seat and now, I imagine it will be a lot easier to take you around town. I'm hoping we can get out more. I have an early morning meeting on Thursday. Maybe you'll get to meet the Mayor of our city! There will be principals of the local schools and a school board member at this meeting and I hope they impress me, baby, because if not, it's homeschooling for you.
Last night you drank two whole ounces of pumped milk, then you slept for two and half hours, and I swear, when you woke up, you were bigger! Your feet stretched all the way to the end of your onesie. Yes, I want you to grow bigger, but don't grow too big, too fast, Pumpkin.
I'll finish this letter with a picture of you doing tummy time for the first time. You did so good lifting your head. You had me running around, scrambling to get my camera. You look serious and grown up. What am I going to do with you Pumpkin? You're growing up so quick and I love you. I love you so much it hurts and being the sap that I am, I find myself spilling a daily dose of tears.
Maybe soon I'll get through a whole verse of You are my Sunshine without breaking down, weeping and a wailing. Maybe.
Forgive me, Pumpkin, for being such a wailing sap!
Love you lots,
Me, your mommy.