Loosened from the mud, I find myself floating in a world of possibility.

So can you.

Letters to the Baby Lotus Bud: Month Five

Dear Little Lotus Bud,

The other day, after your Daddy came home, I ran to the store. On my return, I pulled into our backyard and spotted your Daddy sitting out on the side patio. He had his back to me and suddenly, I felt ticked off that he wasn't inside with you. I jumped out of Jeep at the exact moment he got up and turned and wham! There you were, hanging in front of him, the cutest clothing accessory, ever. I went from ticked to intensely in love with the both of you in an instant. That's what you do to me.

Every time I see you, I fall in love all over again. Some days your big eyes are a deep brown. On other days, they look slightly blue. And, sometimes, they look green. Those are your Daddy's eyes you've got. You have the shape of my eyes, but the colors are like your Dad's. His eyes change color, too.

Holy Cow! Five whole months you have been here on earth, outside my belly. I can't believe it.

You tire me out! Then when you are sleeping, I miss you so much!

About a month ago we moved you out of our bed and into your crib. I realized that I was being a bit selfish keeping you in bed with me because co-sleeping in this family was about what was most convenient for your daddy and I. Like it's much easier for me to nurse when you are already in my bed. But, we don't go to sleep until after 11:00 and you really need to be sleeping by 8:30. Those last few nights when you were sleeping in our bed, it was really apparent that you needed undisturbed sleep, although I don't mean that your daddy's snoring woke you up at all. It's just you need your own space. I was nervous moving you into your own crib, but you seem to take it really well.

I have to admit though that putting your sleep every night stirs up a lot of crying. I'm not sure if it's that you are overtired or that you are resisting going to sleep. Once you are asleep, you sleep for hours and hours, sometimes until 8:00 in the morning.

I do like the late night dream feeds you get at about 10:30. Those are really sweet for me. You seem so precious when I wake you. So cute and trusting. You go right back to sleep and those are the nights you stay asleep all night long.

Just these last few days we moved up your bedtime and now you are sleeping at 7:30. Which on the one hand, I like, but on the other hand, there is the fact that I do miss you. I miss you a lot and look forward to seeing you in the morning.

We started yoga together. You are an awesome yoga partner! You smile all the way through the yoga class and sometimes you start chattering so loud that I can't hear the yoga instructor! That's OK, because this class is all about us bonding as mother and child. The first half of the class is all about baby yoga focused on you, little one. Then we move onto mommy yoga. In the last class we did the Warrior poses with the babies and I felt so strong holding you in warrior pose! Yoga makes you hungry, sleepy and poopy. So I get all three of these things in abundance on Thursdays. How is that you know to poop right before your Daddy comes home and not right after?

I'm not doing all that I should be doing to get back into shape and for that I feel bad. I want you to have a strong, healthy mommy.

But, listen hear, pumpkin. Our last yoga class was outside on the back patio of the yoga center. There was a lot of noise around being that we were right in the center of a dense urban area. You seemed to have found your voice, some primal yoga core sound. Like I mentioned earlier, in the second half of class, you were chattering so loud that I couldn't hear the instructor. That was fine. In fact, it made me very happy. That afternoon, after class, the chattering escalated to a shout. It's hilarious to hear you scream away. You do that early in the morning when you wake up before we do. And, then I know you are OK, able to occupy yourself, exploring the limits of your voice. I want you to always have a strong, loud voice.

The temperatures have been way too hot in the region lately. It's not supposed to be this hot in Minnesota. We live in one of the colder states, but it is cool to think about that this state has over a 110 degree range in temperatures. We go low in the winter, sometime 20, 30 degrees below zero. We can go over a 100 degrees in the summer.

And, when that happens, your mama is not happy. You, however, sleep like a babe. Seeing as you are babe, this is perfect, but what I mean to say is that the heat puts you sleep in long naps during the day. Just like yoga class.

Last week was Independence Day and that means that a lot people in this country shot off fireworks and stuffed themselves with hot dogs. Your Daddy and I marveled at the idea that it was one year ago on that date that we knew for sure that you were coming into our lives. We took this picture that day last year:

Go figure. Independence Day is when I took the pregnancy test. Although this means that we have a dependent, it is rather liberating being your parents.

Your cousins who live in Florida have come up to visit. They were so happy to meet you. I was glad. I want you to know them and be close to them. They live near DisneyWorld.

When you are older, I'll send you down there and your Masci (which is the Gujarati term for mother's sister) will take you there. You can go with your cousins. And get your princess fix from them, I mean the whole Disney princess craze.

As far as being a rajkumari, well you can do that any day with me. I'll let you be my little rajkumari, my little Indian princess. Because the clothes are great. Pretty girl!

You are my pretty girl. And you are Daddy's little guitar girl. You sit and listen to him play. And then, he puts the guitar near you and places your fingers on the strings. I'm usually in the kitchen cooking. It's great to hear you two playing music together.

You and Daddy have a great time together. He takes you roller-blading. It looks like so much fun, but I'm too scared to do it. Just like skiing. Pretty soon you will be skiing downhill with Daddy. And soon, you will leading the way, making him keep pace with you.

I suppose we do yoga together, and you two go blading together. I want you to enjoy the outdoors and lots of activities.

At the NE Network meeting last Thursday, at least a half a dozen random people came over to say hello to you and commented to me that you looked like a smart girl. I believe them. I believe in you! I believe that you deserve every opportunity in this world and I hope that you will have the confidence to explore many opportunities. I want you to have a rich and fulfilled life.

Many of my dreams have transformed into dreams for you. I hope that they all come true.

That's what I want. That's all that I want. I want it all for you.

I promise you the best of all that I can give.

Love from me, your Mommy.


  1. Wow, five months already! Where does it go? She's so beautiful lovely one, and I see changes in her all the time. I'm sure you do too.

    love and hugs xxx

    ps. wanted to drop you an email. Are you still using the same addy?

  2. I know! I can't believe it's already been five months. One more month and she'll be eating solid foods. Soon she'll be sitting and walking and just a little further down the road, she'll be attending college! I don't want to miss a single moment.


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