On this blog, I tend to focus on all the positive aspects of my life, my family, my marriage. Truth is that I have much to be grateful for and I realize that. But it is also true to admit that marriage is hard. Relationships are hard. I have a tendency to let things go until I can't anymore. Unfortunately Friday night was one of those days where it all exploded and the really unfortunate part is that all my anger leaked into Saturday and that ruined most of the day. Marriage is hard.
It is rather interesting when a marital fight breaks out in the tiny confines of an airstream trailer with a preschooler right in the middle of it all. She kept saying "moogy, daddy, you are fighting." Well, yes we were but in a much more civil manner than when it happened in our child free life.
I finally got over myself and heard my husband and his efforts to resolve the situation. I didn't want to hear him at all. I just wanted to be mad and pout, and perhaps shout a little. But wildflowers and a bucket of raspberries are tough to overlook (never mind the fact that little Lotus Bud devoured all but two of the little berries). I finally got over myself and we went on with our day which consisted of boating and bathing in the river, brats and hotdogs on the campfire and a few stolen moments with my camera near sunset.
Even later I read some stuff about the full moon in Aquarius and found this helpful quote:
We used to laugh at our small selves, saying that I was the bad girl trying to be good and that he was good boy trying to be bad. Through the years these roles would reverse, then reverse again, until we came to accept our dual natures. We continued apposing principles, light and dark. -- Patti Smith
I don't know if I'm the light or the dark right now. Of course I feel like I'm the light but that's my self-righteous self talking. What I do know for certain is that this is the path I've chosen and I wouldn't give it up for anything. It's just that the road can get bumpy every once and while. Good thing I'm a Jeep driver, I know a little about bumpy rides.