Loosened from the mud, I find myself floating in a world of possibility.

So can you.

August Moments

Another great storm to experience is the one where you see all the lightening and hear much of the thunder but the severity of the downpour stays to the north. So there is the threat but also the beauty of the woods lit up and the skies dark and rumbling. But then the sky darkens completely and the wind picks up. There's been a good hour of the storm show and now there might be rain coming on. Yah!

I feel bold and brave as I take bites of nachos while the sky behind the trees lights up like an X-ray. I gaze up at the sky, my shoulders shiver a bit as the thunder cracks then carries outward in all directions.

No rain yet. I begin to doubt that the storm will drop to the south, drop downwards to our little woods.

Yet there is no doubt that I want rain. I always long for rain when I'm sleeping. I like getting woken to the sound of rain tapping on the curved roof of the airstream above me. 

The rain starts softly, tiny droplets in the tops of the trees, tapping down on the summer canopy above. The thunder starts to sound close as I feel the first few drops on my hair. 

Awake awhile.
It does not have to be forever.
Right now.  One step upon the Sky's soft skirt would be enough.
Awake awhile.  
Just one True moment of Love will last for days.
Rest all your elaborate plans and tactics for knowing Him,
For they are all just frozen spring buds
Far, so far from Summer's Divine Gold.
Awake, my dear.
Be kind to your sleeping heart.
Take it out into the vast fields of Light
And let it breathe.
Say, “Love, give me back my wings.
Lift me, lift me nearer.”
Say to the sun and moon, say to our dear Friend,
I will take you up now, Beloved,
On that wonderful Dance You promised!”
- Hafiz

What an amazing mushroom. It might be an inky cap but I prefer to call it daisy fungi. Seriously! Isn't this an incredible aspect of the woods? So many fungi and mushrooms, in so many varieties. In all the time I've spent in the woods, I've never seen anything like this.

The moments are so dramatic when walking out to the road on a clear night. The stars shine like they usually do but out here it is a brilliant, twinkling cosmic show. The trees part to reveal this vast array. I can't figure out how to explain it without diminishing the experience.

The feel is immense and a bit oppressive at the same time. Maybe it is crush of the stellar view. My heart always jumps a bit when I finally reach the clearing.

Last weekend I saw two shooting stars. The golden contrails seem to go on for ever across the sky. I didn't realize it then but that had to be the beginning of the Perseid meteor shower. We read that the 2015 Perseid Showers were the best in a long time, Dave quickly reminded me that it was best since the last time we saw them and he was right because the last time was pretty spectacular. The last time I experienced that star show it was on a Lake Superior ferry, riding from Madeline Island to the mainland simply to see the meteors. But that was sometime at the beginning of the century.

And this is now and I'm here now in the woods on a clear windless night, sitting next to a wood fire cozyed up in my recently finished knit sweater. Acorns are falling from the tops of the oak trees and man are they loud. Also there is a bird coming around after dark and because of the dark this bird remains unidentified. I voice welcomes and ask it to show herself but she is both body shy and loud at the same time.

Love, you have created us
with thirsty hearts
and bound us fast
to the Source of Splendor.
For you, my thorns have blossomed.
my atoms exploded into suns!

- Rumi

No one was friendly with her when we stopped at the shallow sandy spot to swim. No one was rude but also no one played. Sometimes I think it's me and it breaks my heart into a million little pieces. The kids and parents are usually wary of my presence in this small Wisconsin town. Even the childless ones usually only talk to D. That's OK. We can take our time getting to know each other. I was hoping that 10+ years on the river would make me a familiar face. Yet I also know that we usually don't see the same people each time we stop at the swimming spot.

I don't talk about this much because I don't fully understand it. This last paragraph sat in a draft for half the month. Today was different, still no little kids for her to play but the people around us were friendly. I realize that it must be hard to get in with a group of kids that all know each other. Especially if it is a large group.

My intention to learn the constellations continues. Cassiopeia I know. The W is distinctive. Andromeda was new and what we thought might have been Orion coming up was in fact Capricornus which happens to be D's astrological sign. To the left is Aquarius for the little one. Pieces was wild but I'm not sure I'll find that one again. The Big D finally saw a shooting star. I'm so glad he did because I was starting to feel bad that I couldn't share this with Him.

Goldenrod is the gateway to autumn. On the river we saw a flock of geese that came out of nowhere. They seemed very organized. This morning I was staring out the window at some bright colors. It took a few minutes but realization hit me like a jolt. What I was seeing is sumac flashing her Fall colors. The sumac are usually the brightest. August seems bittersweet. Summer has been full of golden days and clear nights. We've done a lot this summer. It felt full but not too hurried.
Everything is preparing for a big change. Nature is keeping with our own family timeline. The kid starts kindergarten this Thursday. THIS THURSDAY! I'm trying to prepare for a new life that I'm affectionately calling AKS (after kindergarten starts). I keep thinking I'll seek my exit strategy from board service and start looking for a job. But then I realize finding a job is just an excuse to avoid my writing projects which deep down in my  heart is what I want to do. 
I am back at a point in life where life is full of possibilities and I'm going to try with all my might to not limit myself and do all the things that strike my interest. I try to remind myself daily that I have created a life where all the resources are at my fingertips and ready for the taking. There is no doubt that I benefit from the tremendous privilege of relying on Dave's financial support. Who know what happens from here? That's part of the excitement I think. I just hope I have the courage to actually pursue my dreams which, funny enough, feels rather frightening for me. More frightening than getting up for some Monday morning 8am public speaking which I had to do. So when I say it like that, I question where my emotions are coming from because there was a time when public speaking was terrifying.

So many things to consider, so many exciting things to consider.I just need to get through the canopy of my emotions and past that to the blue skies of possibility.