the strength of my roots

Where is it that I heard if you managed to uproot a tree then put it upside down with the branches in the ground, the tree would continue to grow? Huh.

Upside down is what I'm feeling right now. The wind is testing the strength of my roots.

Is there strength in knowing my vast capacity for vulnerability?

I have given up setting goals for the year but each day I resist the urge to do so. I think somewhere somehow someone has the answer to helping me get out what I am feeling and experiencing these days. But then I find my quiet space. This is sometimes followed up with guilt for not doing the things I think I should be doing.

It is a constant battle with myself and my expectations.

Strange how I just realized I don't know a darn thing about self-care. The simple kind of self-care that makes space for feelings and emotions that are usually covered up with to-do lists and meetings, meal-planning and cleaning is what has alluded me all this time.

Behind all these distractions there is nothing but myself. I am scared where these thoughts will lead me because I have to admit that the foundation I thought I had with my husband, my daughter, my home, my life are all impermanent. They are all subject to change and even subject to end.

They will end. Eventually.

But even before that end I am none of those things but only myself.