courage and magic
I've read that some people in Chinese culture believe that courage is stored in the gallbladder. I have lost my store of courage. One day there was excruciating pain, the next morning I was in surgery.
I have had the most bizarre experience of my life. I'm physically better but I'm still dealing with a fair amount of emotional shock, the shock of having something so suddenly yanked from my body. Twice now in the last five years I have gotten to this hospital and have had something of mine taken out of my body. First it was my child, this time it was my gallbladder.
I'm not sure where life is taking me now. This week has been about recovery and tiny little attempts to get back my life. Today I drove the Jeep. Tomorrow I may not leave the house.
Throughout the experience I tried to take moments to make some sense of it. But between pain meds and an appalling impersonal hospital experience, there is almost no place to begin.
Just last week I was talking to a friend about the need to rest. Why is it that mothers only rest when they are ill? This was not the mother's day gift I had in mind.
I missed the biggest meeting of my co-op career. I cancelled our well-deserved vacation to the north shore of Minnesota.
Nonetheless I was well hydrated.
Last week I was on top of the world, soaring through a number of dreams come through. There were things manifesting in my life that I had asked for years ago and I was seeing many of them come alive: marvelous growth of a friendship, career paths suddenly opening up in front of me, a terrific cooking class, intense love with my husband, spring. This week is something else entirely.
This morning I woke from a really nice dream with a smile on my face. In the dream I was riding my bike. I felt the wind in my hair and I realized that I live a charmed life.Then it hit me. Magic needs power and that power took a toll on my body. I completely depleted my stores of courage and magic.
If I had to do it again, I wouldn't change a thing.
Well...I'll do everything but gallbladder surgery I suppose.
I have had the most bizarre experience of my life. I'm physically better but I'm still dealing with a fair amount of emotional shock, the shock of having something so suddenly yanked from my body. Twice now in the last five years I have gotten to this hospital and have had something of mine taken out of my body. First it was my child, this time it was my gallbladder.
I'm not sure where life is taking me now. This week has been about recovery and tiny little attempts to get back my life. Today I drove the Jeep. Tomorrow I may not leave the house.
Throughout the experience I tried to take moments to make some sense of it. But between pain meds and an appalling impersonal hospital experience, there is almost no place to begin.
Just last week I was talking to a friend about the need to rest. Why is it that mothers only rest when they are ill? This was not the mother's day gift I had in mind.
I missed the biggest meeting of my co-op career. I cancelled our well-deserved vacation to the north shore of Minnesota.
Nonetheless I was well hydrated.
Last week I was on top of the world, soaring through a number of dreams come through. There were things manifesting in my life that I had asked for years ago and I was seeing many of them come alive: marvelous growth of a friendship, career paths suddenly opening up in front of me, a terrific cooking class, intense love with my husband, spring. This week is something else entirely.
This morning I woke from a really nice dream with a smile on my face. In the dream I was riding my bike. I felt the wind in my hair and I realized that I live a charmed life.Then it hit me. Magic needs power and that power took a toll on my body. I completely depleted my stores of courage and magic.
If I had to do it again, I wouldn't change a thing.
Well...I'll do everything but gallbladder surgery I suppose.
You'll get it back! You're strong, creative, and smart, and the world will wait until you're back up to speed. Much love to you.
ReplyDeleteOh, Manisha, I'm so sorry you had to go through this. You'll be back to yourself soon though. I think it was the Universe's way of reminding you to slow down and take good care of yourself. While you're recuperating, you may want to check out Hay House World Summit. It's free and they are featuring lots of excellent speakers and movies that may help you. I'm sending best wishes for good health.
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